What Night Brings

“Every single day of my life I went to bed asking God to make my dad disappear. I didn’t pray for him to die, just to leave. If I really wanted him dead, I didn’t say it because that would be a sin.” 

Trujillo begins the novel with Marci’s first wish. This quote directly establishes the protagonist’s two main conflicts, the first of which is with Eddie. Though Marci’s motivation for wanting him gone isn’t immediately explained, the importance of her antagonistic relationship with Eddie is clear. More subtly, the quote establishes Marci’s religious conflict right away. She isn’t completely honest about what she wants because her prayers won’t be answered if she sins. Her faith is in prayer, which is already preventing action.

“I have to tell you what I need from God. I have to change into a boy […] It’s not because I think I’m a boy, though sometimes it sure seems like I am. It’s because I like girls.” 

Marci’s sexual orientation presents another obstacle. She believes that her ability to act against Eddie or fall in love hinges on turning into a boy. In the early sections of the novel, Marci waits for God to answer this prayer. The idea of masculinity as strength manifests here; Marci does not identify as male, but she believes that becoming male will bring her power. It is a child’s understanding of a complex issue, but it also keeps her passive.

“But nothing is as scary as my dad getting mad. I can’t remember the first time he hit me, only the sound of mad feet. I’d be so scared I didn’t know who I was. It was like I was across the room watching him come after me, chase me, then catch me.” 

Marci describes her state of mind during Eddie’s outbursts like an out-of-body experience. This is significant, because it further underlines her inaction. She feels helpless against Eddie. It also establishes Marci’s experience of the world as objective.